The Martialist: The Magazine For Those Who Fight Unfairly

“Stay ‘unreasonable.’  If you
don’t like the solutions [available to you], come up with your
own.” 
Dan Webre

The Martialist does not
constitute legal advice.  It is for ENTERTAINMENT
PURPOSES ONLY.

Copyright © 2003-2004 Phil Elmore, all rights
reserved.

Understanding Bullshidoka

A Profiling Guide by Phil Elmore

If
you’re not familiar with Bullshido.com, you needn’t be;  it’s one of the
more notorious troll sites on the Web.  More specifically, it’s a
discussion forum peopled by a collection of ignorant, angry teenagers – a sort
of Lord of the Flies for the virtual age, complete with a few token
adults attempting to run the asylum from within.  The site’s members,
believing themselves to be smart enough and experienced enough to “out” various
frauds, fakes, and freaks in the self-defense community, have applied a unique
mechanism for so doing:  they simply make fun of everyone and everything. The exception
is sportfighters;  the site is essentially a fan club for
mixed martial arts (MMA), the current fad in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ), and the
Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC).

There’s a commercial for an
employment agency making the rounds on television as I write this.  In the
spot,
a hapless office-dwelling fellow explains on the phone that he works with a bunch of monkeys. 
The camera pans back and we see that he is indeed surrounded by chimpanzees,
hooting and slapping and scratching and generally making a lot of noise while
accomplishing little.  The imagery immediately brings to mind the denizens
of Bullshido.com.  Never have so few said so much so loudly while knowing
so little.  Over the time the site has existed (it started life as “McDojo.com,”
but was forced by legal threats from McDonalds to change its name) it’s managed
to ridicule just about everyone in the Reality Based Self Defense (RBSD) and
martial arts scene in general, sparing no one save the select number of MMA
types whose approach is greeted with acceptance by the
chicken-wire-and-shoulder-pad clad denizens of this Thunderdome of the Internet.

It wouldn’t surprise me if the site was run from a
server room

inhabited entirely by hyperactive chimpanzees in diapers.

No profiling guide is all-inclusive
and there are always exceptions.  On the whole, however, those who
spend their time at a vulgar troll-site characterized by its anger,
hostility, and ignorance conform to a certain type.  If you think
about it, this stands to reason perfectly, for it explains why such
people choose to waste their time in this way.  The Average
Bullshidoka, therefore, can be described as follows:

He’s usually a he.
 Martial arts in generally are predominantly male.  The
Bullshidoka are no exception.  Of course, on the Internet, even
the people claiming to be female might actually be male, so you never
know about the token females among the ranks of any martial arts
discussion board.

He’s relatively young.
 Spend any time reading through the posts at the site and you’ll
quickly realize that most of them are teenagers.  There are some
that are older, but there are very few veteran martial artists at the
site.   (This is because a mature, experienced individual quickly
learns that such a site is not the place for him and he does not enjoy
visiting it.)  Those few posters who are older generally sound
like the rest of the younger participants, which is simply evidence
that maturity is a function of your personality and not your age.

He’s relatively inexperienced and holds low, if any, rank.  At
a site where the participants spend an inordinate amount of time
discussing the ranks and credentials (or lacks thereof) of the martial
arts personalities, instructors, and students whom they ridicule, it is
perhaps not surprising that few of the participants themselves hold
ranks of any significance.  This is usually because the people in
question are also quite young, but just as often it is because they
disdain traditional ranking structures (even as they claim those
without traditional rank must not know what they’re talking about).
 

He’s convinced of his own brilliance but relatively ignorant.  One
of the most startling qualities of
the discussions at Bullshido is the fact that very little actual
knowledge of the martial arts, self-defense, or the mechanics of
fighting is exhibited, despite the fact that those posting there seem
to think they know everything (and that anyone who disagrees is a
moron).  One poster who wrote a review of my book
displayed a shocking ignorance
of basic fighting mechanics, but this is only one example in a long
string of the same that is constantly on parade at the site.  Never
have so many people spoken so loudly while knowing so little.  Anyone
with a decent grounding in the martial arts will immediately see just
how little these people actually know, which is as much a function of
their young ages and relative inexperience as it is their poor
attitudes.  “The empty bucket rings the loudest,” as one of my
instructors likes to say.

He doesn’t meet the standard set by his own idols, making him a hypocrite.
 Because the typical Bullshidoka seems to venerate rank and
authority (at least in making his personal attacks on others’
abilities) while having low or no rank himself, and because he
venerates mixed martial arts athletes while being a relatively
unimpressive athlete himself, he is a hypocrite who does not meet the
standards to which he holds those he ridicules.  This is not
surprising, but it is irritating if you are among those attacked.
 (Almost every martial arts personality I know has done his or her
turn “in the barrel,” being made fun of by the Bullshidoka.  In
each and every case, the person ridiculed was a better martial artist
and a more worthy self-defense exponent than those making the
criticisms, despite whatever flaws the person being attacked might have
exhibited.)

He’s on a crusade.
 The Bullshidoka are self-appointed crusaders, who see themselves
as the judges, juries, and would-be executioners of all in the martial
arts whom they deem unworthy.  If a Bullshidoka disagrees with
your opinions, or thinks you look funny, or simply doesn’t like you for
any reason, you are a “fraud,” a “fake,” who is worthy of scorn,
personal derision, and any harassment or personal attack the members of
Bullshido can think to inflict.  Crusaders are notoriously vicious
people, for they feel their “mandate” to right perceived wrongs
justifies any degree of miserable behavior towards others.

He’s arguably a coward who needs the support of the mob.  The
average Bullshidoka is very impressed with how many members the site
has and how much traffic it gets.  Just as the site administrator
loves to point out these figures, the average member also parrots this
information.  “We have over umpty-ump thousand members,” he’ll say
proudly, which you are supposed to take to mean, “There are so many of
us that our collective opinion obviously cannot be wrong.”    Setting aside for the
moment the fact that majority opinion does not constitute truth (nor
does volume determine right from wrong), an individual who cannot
express his opinions without seeking validation and support from a
jeering crowd of fellow travelers is a coward who is very brave from
behind the shaking fists of the mob.  That is why Bullshidoka
derive so much intellectually masturbatory satisfaction from communing
together to talk about how much everyone else sucks, in that or even
more vulgar terms.  Think of the site as a support group for those
who have low self-esteem and low self-confidence, who need the constant
validation offered by their equally deficient peers.

He’s a viciously hostile fellow given to vague, if not explicit, threats of violence.  One
of my favorite quotes from a Bullshidoka went something like (and I am
not making this up), “If I can borrow my Mom’s car this weekend, I
might drive down there and kick his ass.”  (The person whose ass
was to be kicked was none other than me, your host.)  Bullshidoka
love to threaten violence and speak of kicking other people’s asses —
when they’re not wishing injury or death on others, whose only crimes
are having different opinions.  One poster stated quite plainly
that he hoped a specific women’s self-defense instructor would be
violently raped, because her teachings were not within the party line
acceptable to the Bullshidoka.  It is soul-rotting viciousness
like this that reminds the casual spectator just how dangerous angry
children can be.

The typical
Bullshidoka is, therefore, a relatively young, exceptionally arrogant,
remarkably angry, and unsurprisingly vulgar coward who enjoys the
protection afforded him by distance and anonymity over the Internet.
 From within the aegis of the World Wide Web, he attacks others
whom he would not dare face in person, engaging in behavior that often
violates all standards of decency, propriety, and civility.  Why
he is the way he is we cannot say, for certain; why he does what he
does, we can easily deduce.  He acts as he does because it makes him feel good.
 It insulates him from the insecurity he feels.  In deriding
others, he raises up himself.  In attacking others, he substitutes
false bravery for inner cowardice.  In threatening others, he does
what he would never dare to do, and pretends to be what he will never
actually become.

These are my opinions
and my opinions alone.  I could be wrong and, after all, I’m
generalizing about a group of people, rather than characterizing any
specific person.  Still, any objective reader should be able to
visit the site in question and form his own opinions.

If he can honestly side with the Bullshidoka, he belongs among their number.