The Martialist: The Magazine For Those Who Fight Unfairly

“Stay ‘unreasonable.’  If you
don’t like the solutions [available to you], come up with your
own.” 
Dan Webre

The Martialist does not
constitute legal advice.  It is for ENTERTAINMENT
PURPOSES ONLY.

Copyright © 2003-2004 Phil Elmore, all rights
reserved.

Right Now Someone Is Training
To Kick Your Ass

By Tony Reyes

“Right now someone’s training to kick
your ass.”

Many of you have probably heard this statement, or something similar to it,
before. However, after participating at various online discussion forums devoted
to weaponry and self-defense, I’d say that few actually take this statement to
heart. You see, many of the people that hang out at these forums talk the
“tactical” talk. They present themselves as stone cold killers. Sadly,
many of them aren’t nearly as great as they’d like you to believe. In fact, some
of them are just pathetic. 

It seems that so many people are more concerned
about owning the latest and greatest “tactical” gun, knife, or gadget
(most of which I find completely ridiculous and/or useless) than they are in
actually learning how to be efficient in combat. Where I’m from, people like
this are called posers and that’s how I’m going to refer to them from
here on. I find it really amusing when a poser whines about not having enough
money to attend a martial arts or modern combatives seminar to which they claim
they wanted to go. Miraculously, they managed to get a new custom-made knife
from the maker of the month to add to their already impressive collection worth
thousands of dollars. In reality, that great looking, well functioning Walter
Brend Vanguard DOA won’t do much good if you’re out of shape, unskilled, and
don’t possess that killer instinct and unbreakable mind that usually comes with
being in shape and being a skilled fighter. It also won’t do much good if it’s
been shoved straight up your asshole, which is exactly where it would end up if
the BG (bad guy) was in better shape, a better fighter, and more determined to
kill than you. 

Posers also cry about not having enough time for
hard, consistent training. Somehow they manage to have a post count in the high
hundreds or even in the thousands. I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but talking
about fighting/tactics/mindset will in no way make you faster, stronger,
tougher, or more skilled if you don’t get out there and train. It’s the same
thing as buying combat training videos just to watch them. 

If you’re reading this right now and you’re
getting offended, tough shit. You must be a poser. Posers are about as useful as
a 16 dollar bill to anyone serious about self defense. What really irritates me
the most about posers is that after a while they become combat forum veterans
and beginners will often listen to what they have to say. That is the main
reason why so many combat/weaponry forums have become as watered down as a coke
from McDonalds. It’s also the reason why I barely participate at such forums and
have to take extremely lightly the advice given by forum members.

When it comes to street encounters and violent altercations I can honestly say
that I’ve seen, heard, done, and been through more than my share. I know the
streets and I know what criminals can be like. There might not be someone out
there training to cause you, specifically, physical harm, but there are people
training (sometimes very hard) to cause extreme pain and injury to anyone on
whom they see fit to prey. Prison is full of such people. 

The training you get in prison, mentally and
physically, is extremely efficient and practical (it’s fucking priceless). As
soon as you get there you have to fight (mentally and physically) just to
survive. Then you fight for how much pull you want around the place.
After that you have to fight to maintain that level of respect. While
you’re doing all of that, you’re also constantly watching your back (what
“tactical” people call being in condition yellow) because the
lowest levels of scum are always in your presence. Imagine having to deal with
muggers, rapists, killers, etc., stuck in a place they don’t want to be, with
nothing but time on their hands — all day, every day. 

Weights and resistance training are readily
available in prison. Push-ups are just a means of passing time. It’s not hard to
see that when a prisoner gets out, if the badness in his brain is still intact
you now have a rough, tough, hardened career criminal. Such people are released
into society everyday. If you ever have the bad luck of falling prey to a person
like that, do you think that he’ll really give a fuck that you participate at
various combat/weaponry forums? Do you think that he’ll care that the knife you
just pulled on him is made from the latest premium steel? Obviously, the answer
is no. However, a guy like that will care about his balls getting kicked in, or
having 5 inches of sharpened steel stuck in his gut. Whether you’ll be able to
do it is up to you.

Then there are the guys that fall under the category of what I like to call
“super predators.” A super predator is someone that the more common
thug and predator would fear. They are the people that ran their range/cell
block in prison or spend time when they’re on the outside (of prison) training
so that they’ll have the edge out on the street. The odds are fairly low when it
comes to getting attacked by a super predator, however. As long as you don’t
live the criminal lifestyle, participate in staring contests with shady looking
strangers, or act like you’re king shit they’ll probably leave you alone. 

I actually know of a guy that took steroids off
and on and could bench press around 500 lbs. He could actually grab a guy and
throw him across a large sized room and into the wall. He could also disfigure
your face and knock you out cold without much effort because of his strength and
the experience he picked up from countless street fights. He was well known on
the streets as a guy not to be fucked with. One day he got fucked up on some
pretty heavy drugs, went to a public place with the sole intent to inflict pain,
and ended up nearly beating a pregnant woman (that he didn’t know) to death.
He’s now back in jail, probably getting worse. He’s a killer, killing time. The
odds are low that you’ll have to deal with a super predator like him, but don’t
discount it. I bet getting savagely beaten was the last thing on that pregnant
woman’s mind.

I won’t talk about what kind of training routine you should use because I don’t
know your body type, fighting style, or daily schedule. However, I strongly
suggest that you do your research, set goals, and then get out there and start
training as hard as you can. Your life may one day depend on it. Fuck the
excuses and the laziness. Leave that shit for the armchair warriors. Let the old
statement “right now someone is training to kick your ass” be about you,
directed towards those who would rob you of your possessions, beat you, rape
you, or kill you. 

This is a cold world in which we live, folks, and
some of its inhabitants are just pure evil. You can’t open up a newspaper
without reading about how somebody was the victim of a violent crime. Imagine
all the violent crime that doesn’t make it to the papers. Unfortunately,
it’s impossible to choose whether you will be the victim of a predator. 

You can, however, choose not to
be a helpless, hopeless victim.