Ode to Joy
12 June, 2009
I was accused, not long ago, of being an angry person.
Of being
cold and unfeeling. Of being paranoid. Of
expressing myself in a
deranged, even dangerous manner, shouting my opinions at the world,
railing against imagined injustices while frothing at the mouth in
apoplectic, impotent fury over straw-man liberals who don’t exist as I
have described them. I was told that the picture I paint of
myself is
nothing like the person I once was, and that even the quality of my
writing has suffered accordingly. Where once I wrote humorous
columns
about getting trapped in vending machines and fearing the incursions of
melanistic squirrels, I now write dire, dour, dastardly screeds, the
anguished rantings of a fat man sitting in his mother’s basement,
hoping that President Obama will read his blog and be Properly Shamed.
Worse,
I was accused of having no intellectual curiosity — of being unwilling
to debate and discuss issues with an open mind. I was told
that I
brook no opposing opinions, that I can abide no disagreement.
My mind
is closed, my opinions written in granite.
I was, in short, told that I am unhappy.
Well, I don’t see it that way, and I sure hope you don’t.
If
you’re offended by my opinions or, more importantly, the way I express those
opinions,
I’d like to explain to you what I do, and why. I’d like to
help you
understand because I want you to see me as a person. I’m not
an
algorithm whose purpose is to generate controversy and disdain.
I’m
not a right-wing hack or a conservative nutjob. I don’t state
opinions
simply to make you angry. I don’t advocate anything other
than
reasoned responsibility among adults in a free society — and that free
society, as I see it, should be one built under the rule of law, not
anarchy. I’m not crazy. I’m not dangerous.
I’m not unstable. I am,
in fact, the most stable person you know.
I love to discuss issues. I love to mull over
intellectual problems and moral dilemmas.
I love to debate those with whom I disagree, yes, but I also
love to
understand them, to listen to them, to see the world through their
eyes. I’m tough, but I’m fair. I’m opinionated, but
I know I’m not
perfect. I’m firm in my convictions, but I can be persuaded.
I’m not
unreasonable. I’m not irrational.
I like to be logical, but I’m not some bizarre Vulcan.
I
express my feelings. I am emotional, even melodramatic.
I
try to be affectionate and supportive to my loved ones. I try
to
listen to their needs and respond to them. I’m interested.
I’m
engaged. I’m concerned.
And I’m happy.
Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t grapple with
issues in my life, as we all do. That doesn’t mean I don’t
deal
with
very difficult things. My brother once said that we all spend
some
time in our lives “walking to Taco Bell.” He was referring to
a
time
during his younger days when he lived at the poverty level while
working at a fast food restaurant. He walked from his home,
which
ws
in a very bad neighborhood, to his job at Taco Bell some distance away.
He had no car and could not afford one. He was barely getting
by… but he did
get by. He walked through rain. He walked through
snow. He walked through blizzards.
There were days, though, that he also walked through
beautiful
weather, when he enjoyed the sun and reflected on how much weight he’d
lost, how much health he’d gained. There were days that he said to
himself, “Today is a good day to be walking to Taco Bell.”
He gained more than health.
He gained wisdom. Each of us spends some time in
our lives walking to
Taco Bell — but we get by, and we get through it. We go on
to do
better. We go on to be happy.
While I take my writing very
seriously, and I often write about serious socio-political issues, I
am, generally speaking, a happy and cheerful person. I might
even, one
day, indulge my distant yearning to be a stand-up comedian. I
love to
make people laugh. I chat with coworkers and friends and I
try to help
them see the humor in daily life. I like people. I
like meeting
people. I have many friends, and they are not merely
superficial; we
respect each other and we value each other.
I have a family. I
love them very much. Most of the time I don’t write about
them, but
this is not because I am not always thinking of them. Rather,
it is
because, in the often ugly world of politics and day-to-day reality, I
don’t wish to insert them. I don’t wish to subject them to
these harsh
realities. I would rather keep them, selfishly and lovingly,
for me.
I try to let them know how I feel. I don’t always succeed.
I am not
perfect. But I am happy, at least in general. I
take the dark times,
the walking-to-Taco-Bell times, very hard, and I take them personally.
I go through terribly black moods. I know great
sadness. But in
terms of life, in terms of
living, I am happy.
I love what I do.
I love writing. I take it seriously because I see
it as important. I
do not, though, take myself nearly as seriously as you might think from
reading what I write. I can see my flaws. I can see
my foibles. I
can see the things I do that make me feel, and look, silly. I
don’t
mind those things.
The most important thing in life, day to day,
is to know joy. It is to seek peace and happiness.
It is to fulfill
your responsibilities, repay your debts, forgive your debtors, and
strive
to build an existence on which you can later look back with contentment
and pride. This task never ends. It’s an ongoing
process. We’re all
at different points on that timeline, and some of us will slip, and
slip hard. We go on because there is no alternative; we have
hope
because there is no reason not to have it. We have joy
because, if we
really think about it, we know that we are all lucky to be alive and to
be able to
enjoy the real.
There are serious issues with which we all must contend…
but knowing this, and
saying this, and even shouting this, does not mean we do not know joy.
Quite to the contrary, it means that we see the very stark
contrast
between our joy and the things we decry.
There is no happiness
without sadness. This is not a factor of yin and yang, of
balance. It
is not even a matter of responsibility. It is simply the way
things
are; it is the metaphysically given. Only by knowing the
difference
between the two can we recognize the character and tenor of both.
Do you know joy? You should. Please try.
I’m not happy right
now.
I know sadness. But just as I know sadness, I also
know
that, if I
continue working, fighting, walking, striving, building, and doing, I
will know joy again. I will bring joy to those I love.
I
will share joy with those I respect. This is the hope of, and
the
challenge to, all of
us, every day.
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