The Martialist: The Magazine For Those Who Fight Unfairly

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The Major Warning Signs

While these warning signs are by no means inclusive, and should not be used
as the basis for an immediate declaration of VTG status when exhibited by a
specific Internet forum participant, an individual who exhibits more than one or
two of these signs should be viewed with skepticism and even suspicion. Chances
are, he’s a VTG — and even if the information he imparts is not tactically,
physically, or logistically unsound, he’s using you to gratify his ego. Who
wants to be used? Who enjoys condescension and pretense?

…I have survived fights by always expecting at least one more attacker
than what you see and [I] always expect weapons. The time that I was seriously
cut? I was caught by surprise with a guy drawing a hidden straight razor. That
was in my early days. I have been fortunate enough to survive attacks with my
attackers presenting guns and knives. Usually two or more attackers. I have
also come out of fights relatively unscathed where I faced approximately
twenty gang members, several times, different occasions. Mostly knives,
chains, and pipes there.

…My first fight with a gang? I was in high school …I was determined that
no one was going to get my buddy from behind. The gang guys all started taking
off their belts and rolling them up on their fists. We walked out of that
fight at the end of that fight and he had no more trouble from that gang as
long as he lived there …It was a stand up fight. I think I wouldn’t let
myself go down because I didn’t want to let my buddy down.

…We showed up at the agreed upon time and place and there were about 20 of
the Chinese gang members who were there to make sure there was a “fair
fight.” Sure, that was why there were 20 of them against the three of us
and they used pipes and knives. ‘Course we used nunchucks, three sectional
staff, and chain whip. That ended the fight real quick.

…Anyway, we could go on and on with this stuff…

Look at Me, Look at Me

The VTG likes to start things off quickly. He’ll introduce himself to a forum
by telling everyone things he assumes they must know, since obviously everyone
is interested in his personal style and statistics. No one has asked, but
the VTG is more than happy to march in and announce his credentials to those
assembled.

Hi, I’m new here! Let me give you a little background. I’m 6′, 215lbs,
and built like a He-Man action figure. I’m old enough to have some experience,
but too young to feel it yet.

The Mean Streets

The VTG invariably hails from a tough life on “the street,” where
he accumulated the majority of his deadly fighting experience. Often he will
claim to be a former Bad Guy of some type, perhaps making references to the
terrible temper he once possessed over which he’s now managed to gain control.
Much as half the Christians one meets in America Online’s Christian chat rooms
claim to be reformed Occultists, VTGs quite often claim to be criminals, thugs,
and gang bangers who’ve seen the light. Of course, their brutish pasts would
make such folk People With Whom You’d Best Not Trifle — and that’s what VTGs want
you to think.

I used to be a real street punk, man. I was the kind of Bad Guy a lot of
you are talking about defending yourselves against. I’ve matured a bit, and
grown out of it, but I still remember what it was like to fight for fun. Over
the years I picked a lot up from experience. Metal shows, brawls, and street
fights over everything from girlfriends to articles of clothing. I studied a
few MAs, but mostly reading, and watching demonstrations. As for practice,
I’ve sparred pretty much constantly for the last 15 years with whoever I
happened to hang out with. I’ve had every style I’ve heard of used on me, and
found out what works on them. I also compare notes a lot with my sparring
partners.

Unverifiable Style

A known, quantifiable style is the mortal enemy of the VTG. Most self-defense
and martial arts enthusiasts are familiar with the specifics of a variety of
known styles and techniques. If the VTG were to construct his fictitious
background from these, his lack of real knowledge would quickly become obvious,
and posters who tried to pin him down would be able to talk him into a corner
from which he could not escape.

No, the VTG only rarely admits to a specific style background — and if he does,
the more obscure it is, the better. He may claim to have been taught by a single
individual, a Wise Old Asian Master to rival the legendary greats of ancient
Japan or China. Most often, though, he’ll just tell you that his personal style
is an eclectic mix of things he’s picked up in his travels. For a lot of genuine
martial artists and self-defense enthusiasts, this is true — but VTGs only very
rarely will be able to point to specific component styles. One in a thousand
VTGs can try to explain how certain techniques from component styles would work
together, but this, too, is rare.

I am not formally trained, but I have a lot of experience. This has
evolved into my own personal self defense style. Right off, I will point out
that that is exactly what it is. A last resort SHTF survival method when I
can’t avoid a fight. I say this because I can’t point to a style, and say
“That’s what I do.” Most of you guys can pick Karate, aikido, or Wu-Shu
out of a lineup, and know where to look up the rest. This will just give you
some idea of where I’m coming from. As always, it works for me, but your
results may vary.

Those Who Can’t Do…

With great regularity, VTGs will admit — sometimes reluctantly — that they
also teach martial arts or self-defense. It’s all very informal, of course, but
the VTG wants you to know that he or she has helped others along the path of the
true warrior. He or she is that good, after all — why wouldn’t someone
with such skills impart them to willing students?

(Another variation on this theme is comprised of Scientific VTGs. Scientifics
will claim to have performed some extensive and lengthy period of research into
a given topic, and will make up facts and figures based on this personal and
unverifiable body of evidence.)

In rare cases, VTGs will actually claim to be paid instructors actively teaching
self-defense or the martial arts in some physical location. They normally will
be very circumspect about this, for obvious reasons.

I’ve informally taught SD, but rather than teaching a system of dances,
I basically show people how to develop their own skills. This is lumped under
training, because I learn a lot teaching. i also pick up a lot from them, who
generally know this or that in the other style.

Its Only a Flesh Wound

Your average VTG has been there and done that, man. He’s been shot, he’s been
stabbed, he’s been cut. He’s won countless fights and lost a few, too.

I’ve been in a lot of fights, and defended myself from all kinds of
weapons. I’ve been shot once, stabbed once, and cut countless times.

I Don’t Want to Brag

The VTG will tell you he’s not bragging, perhaps even tell you he doesn’t
want to discuss his past. All the while he’s doing this, he hopes you will
want to know. And of course he is bragging, but his boasts are hidden
behind a shield of false modesty.

Though I lack formal training, I have enough experience to beat some who
do. I’m not bragging here. Just trying to get us all on the same frequency.

Questionable Information

The average VTG loves to be the center of attention, and he wants you to
believe he’s an expert. To that end he’s constantly telling you what he thinks
he knows. The problem is that he’s basically ignorant — and, as a result, he’ll
contradict himself. Apart from contradictions, he’ll often dispense information
that’s just plain false or based on misconceptions. When this happens, other
forum members are quick to smell blood.

You know, it doesn’t take much to be lethal with a knife. It’s lethal
for you, so if you can manage not to cut yourself, and put it into the other
guy, you win…

…I carry a knife, but it’s primarily a tool. I will use it on someone in
self defense, but it’s not my primary choice. My reasons are varied, but in
short, a knife is very lethal, but lacks “stopping power”.

Me Too, Me Too

A VTG can’t stand it when he or she has nothing to add, fictitious or
otherwise, to a conversation. As a result, the VTG often will chime in simply to
agree with what’s being said. This, by itself, doesn’t really raise red flags —
but often the VTG will behave as if he or she has discovered something new when
he or she is simply restating the opinions of other participants in a
discussion.

Yeah, I’ve done that. Oh, I agree. Yeah, that squares with my
experience. Mmm, yes, I’ve taught that one to friends and had it used on me as
well.

Can I Lick That Shoe, Sir?

A suspicious moderator is the bane of VTGs. The smart VTG knows this, and
will do his best to ingratiate himself with those who have power and influence.
The VTG knows that many moderators and administrators, being human, are
susceptible to having their egos stroked. What he or she may not know is that
some moderators see straight through this technique — and feel nothing but
contempt for it.

Wow! I wish I’d written that. That’s one of the best quotes I’ve ever
heard.

Legends in Their Own Minds

A VTG can’t help but create fanciful stories that are increasingly over the
top. As a result, he or she will describe behavior so absurd as to border on
self-parody. This is easily spotted, and sometimes sounds the beginning of the
spiral of self-destruction that is a VTG who has been caught in his or her web
of tall tales.

Fighting with pool cues, eh? I’ve done that, but if memory serves, my
technique was closer to Florentine sword and dagger. The lighter pointy end
forward, and low to parry, and nice heavy end high to strike with. Of course,
I couldn’t cut, or stab, so the strikes where a lot less linear. It may sound
kind of unorthodox, but I was outnumbered, so I wanted to put on as much show
as I could.

Conclusion

Virtual Tough Guys are a minor nuisance. At least, they would seem so —
except that some people might take what they say seriously. Those who see
through their facades become increasingly impatient with the utter hogwash
spewed by VTGs, too, which ultimately decreases legitimate participants’
enjoyment of a discussion.

By keeping the warning signs in mind, you may be able to spot a
VTG before he or she uses you (and those whose virtual company you enjoy) to
gratify his or her need for attention.