The Problem of Internet Feuds

When I was a younger man, I engaged in the folly of Internet feuds. When I began my writing career, these often grew out of articles I wrote while engaged in muckraking journalism in the martial arts field. Later, when I wrote political columns for WND News, several feuds were spurred by political columns I wrote (and to which various readers too exception). Expressing your opinion online will always create enemies if those opinions are strong enough. It’s a fact, though, that once you get into the habit of picking fights with strangers on the Internet, you’ll find excuses to do it more often.

What I learned first about Internet feuds is that they cost far too much time and effort. What it took me longer to learn, however, is that Internet feuds are a personal security issue. This is why feuds are relevant to The Martialist — and why you should consider backing away from the keyboard the next time you’re tempted to create one.

What is an Internet Enemy?

I first learned this lesson when enemies I created through my muckraking journalism days persisted, not for weeks or months, but for years. While there was some harassment and libel that grew out of this enmity, most of it was entirely legal. What does it mean to have made an enemy of this type? It means that every day when you wake up, every time when you go online, in every instance of publishing your work or engaging in some public endeavor — or just going to your job and getting paid for a day’s work — there is someone out there who, given opportunity, will find any legal means to work against your interests.

There are times when those “legal” means skirt the line, but on the whole, little an Internet enemy does is punishable by law. He or she will leave false negative reviews for your pages, your products, your listings… whatever is there to be rated. He or she will spread negative rumors or even outright lies about you in public discussion sites. He or she will taunt you and and insult you whenever the opportunity arises on social media. On video sharing sites, your enemy will put up videos about you. On blogs, your enemy will post vicious commentary about you. In the real world, your enemy might try to contact your employer, or phone your family members, or prank call you or your business.

When a potential employer searches your name, that employer will see first what your Internet enemy thinks of you. When you try to network online, you’ll realize — if you’re smart — that revealing any personal information about yourself could lead to your enemy finding out where you work. Getting “doxxed” — having your personal documents, or details, leaked on line — becomes a very real possibility. Having harassing calls made to your place of work, or simply having your workplace dinged through Yelp or Google Reviews or what have you, is also likely.

The Psychological Toll of a Feud

There are countless other ways an Internet enemy can reach out and bug you. Yes, some of these are actual harassment and may be legally actionable… but most aren’t. An Internet enemy with a burner phone can text you nasty messages or call you in the middle of the night. An Internet enemy using a “deaf relay” service can contact you and heap abuse on you. An Internet enemy who is sufficiently motivated can find countless other ways — some illegal, but most not — to express their scorn and dislike for you.

You may think it’s funny when it starts. You may be strong enough not to let it bother you for weeks or even months. But as it grinds on, year after year, your temper will start to grow short. Your patience will wear thin. If you have a spouse, he or she will become agitated… especially if your Internet enemy brings your family into it, mentioning them in taunts or even Photoshopping unflattering pictures of them. Like Chinese water torture, drip by drip, the Internet feud will wear away at your peace of mind.

This is the reality of Internet feuds BEFORE they become a security issue: A ceaseless, ongoing war against your peace of mind. It stems from the grim realization that no matter what you do, if it is in any way public, there exists in the world someone so angry with you that they’ll do anything they can to make you unhappy, inconvenience you, and harm your financial interests.

What Day-To-Day Life Do You Want?

Does that sound like a life you want to live? It shouldn’t. I had just such a conversation with a young man online recently. Actually, it was more than one young man, because for whatever reason, I found myself arguing with different individuals at different times. Arguing with strangers online is something I’ve largely given up — again, because I’ve experienced the Internet feuds that can grow out of them. In each case, I gave the person I was speaking to a choice.

I asked them if what they really wanted was an enemy. I told them that our interaction could become personal if they really wanted it to be. In some cases, I even explained in great detail the steps I would be forced to take to defend myself when engaged in an Internet feud — steps that span legal, personal, and professional angles of attack. I asked them: Is this REALLY how you want to spend your time? Is this the day-to-day life that you want? An Internet feud isn’t fun. It isn’t pretty. It hurts both parties and wastes countless hours of time. It diminishes the quality of life of both parties.

I’ve learned these methods through hard experience. I’ve been harassed. I’ve been threatened. I’ve lost my Internet host thanks to an Internet enemy who organized a defamation campaign against my website. I’ve been told my life is in danger. One Internet enemy even printed out a picture of my face, taped it to a pumpkin, and then smashed the pumpkin.

Internet Feuds as Security Threat

Here’s the thing, though: If you and I engage in an Internet feud, you can at least rest comfortably in the knowledge that I’m a nice guy. I’m a sane, rational, decent human being who never breaks the law. But if you make a habit of picking fights with strangers on the Internet, sooner or later you’re going to touch off a feud with someone who is not like me. Sooner or later you’re going to make enemies like the ones I made — one of whom still regularly threatens me to this day (and who has spent most of 2018 incarcerated).

At that point, Internet feuds become a very real security threat. How supportive will your spouse be when you have to tell her (or him) that some random person from the Internet is making death threats against your family? How supportive will your employer be when he or she starts getting e-mails about how you, the employee, is spending time spreading “hate speech” on social media? How supportive will your friends be when every time they try to interact with you online, they are inundated by insults and attacks from troll accounts?

And what happens when you touch off a feud with one of these psychopaths who’s willing to drive across the country to menace your family? I’ve seen that happen, too. A friend of mine engaged in an Internet feud with a mentally unstable individual had to call the police when this stalker drove across multiple states in an effort to confront him in person.

Let Me Do You This Kindness

Most of the time, Internet feuds do not present the threat of violence. Most of the time, they are simply a waste of time and energy. Some of the time, Internet feuds will also rob you of your peace of mind… and there’s no way to shut them off once they’ve been initiated. But some small percentage of the time, the enemy you make on the Internet will be somebody so obsessive you’ll be in actual danger. THAT is what you must avoid… and that is why you should never engage in Internet feuds.

If we argue and I ask you if you want an enemy, I mean that question honestly. Do you want your day-to-day life to be spent wondering if I’m online trying to harm your interests in every legal way possible? Do I want to start my day wondering if you’re doing the same to me? And do either of us want to wonder if we’ve made an enemy who, right now, is lurking in the bushes outside our home — a home whose address he found through a diligent Internet search?

Let me do you this kindness. Let me give you the benefit of my experience in this regard. Neither of us wants to feud with the other online… and you definitely can’t afford to go around the Internet picking fights with strangers. Most people are like you and me. We’re decent. We understand the rules. We like to win an argument, but we’re not looking to hurt anybody. There are, however, people who won’t care when the gloves come off. Those are the people you can’t afford to fight with. Those are the people you should be avoiding, not poking with sticks.

Be safe. Be sane. Be patient. But most of all, don’t start a feud you don’t have to pursue. It simply isn’t worth the time and effort.